Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Dear Diary (revised)

Dear Diary

1st January, 1991
Dear Diary, welcome to my life.

2nd January, 1991
Dear Diary, Crap day. Boss was an arse. Had me typing up a report all morning, then he decided to change it. Had to work my lunch break. Checked bank account, overdrawn and payday 10 days away. Wish I didn’t have an overdraft.

3rd January, 1991
Dear Diary, bank’s withdrawn my overdraft! Why can’t my account be in credit with lots of zeros on the end. Asked boss for sub till payday. Have to work overtime every day for the next fortnight to pay it back. I’m so tired. Wish I didn’t have to go to work. Would be nice to get up in the morning when I’m ready, sit and read a book all day, or just go for a walk.

4th January, 1991
Dear Diary, why is it that every time I write in you, something bad happens. Been made redundant. The boss is getting a golden handshake. Bastard! I get a measly £2000 redundancy money. I need another job.

5th January, 1991
Dear Diary, guess I’m was just paranoid, of course writing in a diary can’t make things happen. Didn’t turn out too bad after all. Boss is up on a fraud charge, they’ve confiscated all his assets. I got a job in the local cafĂ©. I walked in just as they put the notice in the window. I start in the morning. I hope I don’t spill drinks on anyone.

6th January,, 1991
Dear Diary, new job not going as well as I’d hoped. I didn’t spill drinks, but I did drop egg and beans in a customers lap, nothing to do with you is it? LOL. New boss cross, but the customer was ok about it. He had a napkin covering his lap, so it didn’t mark. I hope he comes in again tomorrow.

7th January, 1991
Dear Diary, Samuel, the customer I dropped beans on yesterday, came in again today. He gave me a big tip. I guess he was grateful I didn’t drop food on him again. I wish he would ask me out.

30th March, 1991
Dear Diary, sorry I’ve been neglecting you. Samuel has asked me to marry him. He’s is such a gentleman. He’s insisting that we wait ‘til after we get married before we . . .  you know. I can’t wait, I’m sure the earth will move.

30th May 1991
Dear Diary, yes, the earth moved last night. We had an earth quake. It’s no fun spending your wedding night standing in the street waiting for the buildings to stop shaking. Now behave yourself and leave  me alone.

16th December 1991
Dear Diary, I hate you. Samuel died last night. I miss him so much. We were so happy. Even planned for three children.

31st December, 1991
Dear Diary, the triplets doing well. The prison psychiatrist says I can have supervised access as soon as I accept it was me who killed Samuel, not you.

© Lindsey Chapman

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha, cool. I fully expected it to be a cursed diary of some sort... nice, neat chop of a twist. =)